As usual got up late this morning.3 weeks back I was willing to loose weight.Yesterday when i measured my weight I got scared.This is the magic of my life..This is how i live my life.Once i get something that i ever wish I loose the interest.Off course this is not true for everything. Shikha my love to you is not temporary.If you are mine or not it does not makes any difference to me.If god comes and ask me what is more important to me..Indeed answer will be love.There is no meaning of living the whole life without love.If my upbringing says one marriage what is wrong in that.I cant go for someone else until I am alive.I tried everything whatever i can but could not earn a small respect from Shikha.Is this the way my destiny wanted me to live my life.My roommate always tries to bring Shikha's name in the discussion.He always says I am doing mistake by not bringing my wife here.I don't want to talk to anyone about you.Is it possible?I don't think so.Today after speaking to putul my sis..I felt so bad..she is struggling alone without any support.If our upbringing did not taught us any good tips about living a proper life.What can we do.I guess with the kind of upbringing we had we achieved more than what we deserve.But I am very sure the kind of hard work i have put in for everything I did not get the appropriate result.I don't care about money.I was more interested in a life that can give me lot of happiness,lot of confidence..But somehow my confidence level decreased day by day.I am very offensive now.If somebody tries to tell something good then also I get offended.I feel so insecure most of the time.I think about my father and feel so pity about him.What is his destiny.Two times cancer suvivor.Lost his wife in middle fifty.Fifty is the not the age to loose spouse.What is his mistake why he needs to take care of his grand daughter when mom and dad is doing alright.When i think about pragya's father I get so depressed.I don't see any reason why a person like him is alive.If you can not take care of your own daughter what is the meaning of life.Not sure what is going on in his mind.Sometime even i think if we should believe on destiny or not.Why destiny is playing with us.Cant we also live a normal life like other people.Cant we also be happy like other family.Its been so many years our whole family celebrated any festival together.Cant we get together again.Not sure..But one thing is sure I would never go back to my native place without Shikha.Every successful people talk about believe on some divine.I will also believe on my god.If pain and hate is my destiny I shall accept it. If i don't look good I can not change my face.If i don't know good English I can not be changed completely.Of course I will try as much I can.I don't understand why my mother in law blame me for everything.Whenever i spoke to her, always got the feeling that I am useless.Why cant these people understand what I am going through.Probably why should they care about somebody who is not their own son or daughter.Papa is so much worried about my life but still he does not thinks about my second marriage.This is nothing but our "Sanskar".I am very proud of our sanskar.I pray from god to keep me away from second marriage.It really hurts me when i see my collegue with their family.I always wanted to have a sweet small family.Shikha has everything in her except her short tamper.Whatever happens I have to be ready to accept the truth.I have been sending so many emails to you shikha..No answer...It does hurt my self respect..But probably this is the destiny...I have to live with this...amy god give you all happiness Shikha..Hope one fine day you will remove all your grudges against me.Whole day was spent thinking about my personal life only.It is so difficult to spend a day.Not sure How i will be able to spend my long life...Lets hope for the best...May god give peace and serenity to everyone.
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